Rejoicing In Our Suffering

The past several weeks have truly been a test of my perseverance. Dealing with a family member with addiction, having people judge my integrity and ethics, a confrontation with my parents over my children's safety and of course the daily discouragement of the never ending housework.  It did not make it any better that there were just two short weeks before school started and I would have to send my boys back to school. I have barely started their school shopping and my time with them was being clouded and taken away by all of the things that were being thrown at me. I felt like the devil was coming at me full force.

The situation that really had me the most on edge, though, was the people that did not trust me to be ethical. I had done everything correct. Several months passed since the event and not once had I heard anything negative. Until now. Until I found out someone didn't trust me. I felt completely defeated. My family felt like they were stabbed in the back. We were being judged, called names. Of course we wanted to know who, get answers, clear up the issues. But the more time went by I realized that it didn't matter. It doesn't matter who doesn't trust me. It doesn't matter if someone is running my name through the mud. God commands us that our love is to be sincere and that we are to love one another in brotherly love.

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.

Romans 12:14

 So what do I do? I quit! I just quit worrying about it. I gave it all to God! I gave my family member over to him. I pray for him. I will just have to wait and see what comes of it and just be ready when God calls me to be His hands and feet. The tension between me and my parents, I just let it go. It is because of a past incident and a great fear of mine. It's something that I have been dealing with almost my entire life. I know that I can't change whatever God's plan is for my children. (something else I struggle with. I am their mother, it's my job to protect them) I can't always be there with them hovering, watching their every move. As for the housework, I may have loads of clean clothes in our master bedroom that need put away. There may be dishes in the dishwasher and the sink, the yard may need mowed and the bathrooms could really use a scrubbing! But I am sitting, reading my daily devotional, watching my kids play because that's what's important. The other stuff can wait.


I know that no matter what I do someone is always going to find some fault in it.  I just have to keep doing what I know in my heart to be right. I am going to get frustrated with people and situations, I am going to cry over the piled up laundry and the kids that just won't listen to me today. But I have to keep pushing on.


 And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of the Lord. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our suffering, because we know that suffering produced perseverance, perseverance, character, and character, HOPE!
Romans 5:2-4

Addiction

ADDICTION:

the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming

If you take a look around I'm sure that there is someone in your family, a friend, a coworker or friendly acquaintance that is battling this awful disease. Addiction has been a part of my family for a very long time. I think we all just wanted to ignore it. Act like it wasn't an actual problem. Just kept telling ourselves that he will eventually get better. He will stop. He has before, right? He's just coping with the difficulties of his life. Well coping with a substance leads to depending on that substance. Turning to it in every aspect of your life. Whether it be to celebrate, you turn to it, or to deal with a bad day at work, you turn to it. In our situation it is alcohol. It's just a beer. It's just a few beers. It's just a case. By then it isn't enough. Isn't enough to get rid of the pain. Something stronger is needed. Liquor then becomes the crutch.

For as long as I can remember I have watched this downward spiral. Watched him go through the heartaches, made excuses for him. Covered for him.  I had tried the yelling, the screaming. Nothing got through to him. I would spend nights just crying over him. Feeling completely helpless. If he didn't want to change then I didn't care. I just gave up. I didn't do anything.

My husband decided that we were going to start praying as a family in the evenings. Now we always pray with our children before they go to bed at night, but it's usually the same version of previous nights. Help them sleep well, help them have a good day, thank you for no injuries today, etc. The night my husband started our family prayer time he prayed for him. And my heart sank because it was then that I realized that I was so mad at him that I wasn't even praying for him. If I had given up on him and stopped praying for him then who else had?

I can't even imagine how trapped that he must feel. To feel like he can't function without it. I have no idea the thoughts that run through his head. The demons that he is trying to drown. I have never walked in his shoes. I have never experienced a lot of the pain that he has. He is a victim of this awful disease. He is a slave to its powers. It has taken over his life. It has claimed his family.

As I write this we are trying to get him help that he needs. He is finally willing to get help. I know that unless he wants this for himself I cannot force it upon him. All I can do is pray. I have put it in God's hands. I will wait, patiently, for God's call for me to act.

    Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. 7 If you do this, you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.   
Philippians 4:6-7